


this body is yours (your mess is mine)

by grahamcracker76



Category: White Collar
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Episode tag 5x01, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24993085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grahamcracker76/pseuds/grahamcracker76
Summary: “We can’t be partners any more,” Peter says.Neal blinks. “I’m sorry, are you breaking up with me?”
Relationships: Peter Burke/Neal Caffrey, future Elizabeth Burke/Peter Burke/Neal Caffrey
Comments: 9
Kudos: 114





	this body is yours (your mess is mine)

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m about halfway through season five of my rewatch, but I keep coming back to this episode and That Scene (you know the one).
> 
> It’s so frustrating because it’s actually pretty romantic if you think about it... Peter is saying they can’t be partners, but it’s not because he doesn’t care, it’s because he cares too much... meanwhile Neal’s saying that it feels like “something is missing” whenever he and Peter aren’t together. Buuuut neither of them are really understanding what the other is saying so they just end up with all these crossed signals and it’s a big mess of Feels and no one is happy.
> 
> Well, I thought we should help them out with that, so here you are: a reworking of the final scene in 5x01. Title comes from “Mess Is Mine” by Vance Joy because it fits Peter and Neal really well.

That evening, Peter stops by with a new anklet and a haunted look in his eyes. “We can’t be partners any more,” Peter says.

Neal blinks. “I’m sorry, are you breaking up with me?”

Peter quirks a brow, and Neal keeps his face carefully blank, because the only alternative is to show Peter the truth - that the mere idea of not being partners any more feels like a well-aimed punch to the gut.

Neal knows what this means, because he knows Peter. He knows that Peter is suspicious - suspicious is Peter’s default when it comes to him, after all. Neal knows that if Peter looked hard enough, he would undoubtedly discover what he was really up to earlier today. He knows that the mere fact that Peter is here means that he has made the conscious decision _not_ to investigate it, when they both know he very well could, if he wanted to. The fact is that Peter clearly _doesn’t_ want to look any further because he knows that he wouldn’t find anything good, and he can’t bring himself to do that to Neal… to do that to _them._ And that, it seems, is the issue.

“I can’t do this, Neal,” Peter says, running a hand through his hair, and yeah, this still sounds uncannily like the breakup speech, but Neal can’t bear to joke about it when nothing about this is remotely funny. “You’re not just my CI any more - you’re family. You’re important. And I can’t… I’m too involved. I can’t do my job if I’m too involved, and it’s not right for anyone.” He looks up at Neal then, finally meeting his eyes, and his gaze is pleading, almost desperate. “You get that, don’t you?”

Neal‘s heart sinks, because he knows Peter, and he knows what Peter is thinking. Peter thinks that sentiment should have no place when it comes to the work - caring is not an advantage. Caring is what gets them into trouble, time and again.

Peter cares too much - he always has. It’s why he brought Kramer here in the first place, back when all they had to worry about was stolen treasure. Peter cares too much, and it scares him - Neal can see it in his eyes. He cared enough to come halfway around the world to keep Neal safe and bring him back where he belongs. He cares enough to not look into things he knows he probably should, all to protect Neal.

And Peter thinks that this is some kind of moral failing, that he _cares,_ and he doesn’t see what’s right in front of him. He doesn’t see that he inspires every member of his team with his compassion, his loyalty, and his determination to do whatever it takes to protect each of them.

They are all good agents, but it is Peter who makes them a team, it is Peter who makes them a family. And Peter looks at this… this _love,_ and sees it as a weakness, but Neal knows that it is strength. And he wants to tell Peter this, more than anything. The words are on the tip of his tongue, threatening to burst free, but he sees the look in Peter’s eyes and he swallows them down, his throat tight.

“I get it,” Neal says quietly. “You’re giving me a new handler.”

Peter looks at him unhappily. “You need a handler who will see you as you really are.”

“As a criminal, you mean,” Neal translates, all but rolling his eyes.

Peter sighs. “Neal, that’s not… don’t twist my words. It’s just… I look at you, and I don’t see just another CI. I see my friend. I’m not objective about you any more; I can’t be. How can I say this more plainly?”

Neal takes pity on him. “It’s not because you don’t care,” he says quietly, “it’s because you care too much.”

Peter nods. “I’m sorry, Neal,” he says, and holds out the new anklet.

Neal takes the anklet and feels the weight of it in his hand - it feels smooth, and cold, and dangerous. He glances up at Peter. “You do know that when I mess up, it’s not on you, right?”

“Is this a confession?” Peter asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Never,” Neal says, shaking his head fondly. “But… I need you to know. It’s not your fault.”

Peter looks at him, his eyes wide and vulnerable. For a single, breathtaking moment, it’s as if Neal’s own feelings are being reflected back at him, all the longing and uncertainty and nameless fear of the past days and months and years. “It feels like it,” he says. “It feels like it’s my fault. It’s my _job_ to protect you, damn it.”

“You’re not all-powerful, Peter,” Neal says.

He takes a step towards him, but Peter backs up, shaking his head. “It’s my _job,”_ he repeats, but it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. It sounds like he’s really saying something different, something… more.

Neal frowns. He looks from Peter to the anklet, and back again. _Oh,_ he thinks, with a rush of understanding. “You know, you’ve never put this on yourself,” he says almost conversationally. Peter’s mouth hardens in response, and he backs up more, keeping as much space between them as possible. _Ah,_ Neal thinks. _Now we’re getting somewhere._ “You always have one of the Agents put it on, or I do it myself.”

He comes closer, until he’s standing right in front of Peter, and places the anklet in his hand, so that they’re both holding it together. Peter is looking down at him with his mouth slightly open, his eyes wide. The tips of his fingers are brushing Neal’s palm where they’re clasped around the anklet, and Neal tries not to shiver at the touch.

“I never once blamed you for this,” he says honestly, looking into Peter’s eyes. “Two miles isn’t a lot, but it’s better than a prison cell. You’re not caging me, Peter. You saved me.”

Peter closes his eyes. “A gilded cage is still a cage,” he says. “It’s all a matter of perspective.”

Neal frowns. “Yeah, and I’m telling you mine. This is Not. Your. Fault. Okay?”

Peter stubbornly doesn’t answer, and Neal sighs. “You know, sometimes it feels wrong when it’s not on,” he says. “That’s how used to it I’ve gotten. When it’s not there, it feels like something is missing, and I think I know what that is, now.”

Peter glances at him, startled, and Neal gives him a soft smile. “It’s you,” Neal says. “You are my true north, Peter. You’re my moral center; you’re the little voice in my head; you’re the one I keep coming back to when everything’s screaming at me to run and never look back. It’s you, Peter. It’s always been you. So don’t you dare blame yourself for this, because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Peter shakes his head, looking faintly stunned. “Neal, I don’t know if I...”

“Don’t,” Neal tells him fiercely, because he might have been rash just now, but he’s not taking any of it back. “I meant what what I said. Just… tell me one thing. What did Elizabeth say? About all this?” Peter looks at him, and Neal raises a brow. “I assume you discussed this with her?”

Peter swallows. “Yeah, of course I did,” he says. “She said that whatever happens… I need to be sure that it’s what I want.”

Neal nods. “She’s a smart woman, your wife. So.” He steps forward until there’s mere inches between them, and this time Peter doesn’t back away. “What do you want, Peter Burke?”

“What I want,” Peter echoes, his voice dry. “I think it’s a little too late for that.”

Neal shakes his head. “It’s never too late,” he says, and reaches up to press his lips to Peter’s.

Peter is still against him, and for a moment Neal is worried that he’s misread everything and made a terrible mistake. But then, Peter makes a tiny, wanting sound and his eyelids are fluttering closed as his lips part beneath Neal’s. Neal smiles into the kiss, his heart racing as he threads his fingers through the short hair at the nape of Peter’s neck. His tongue sweeps along the seam of Peter’s lips to tangle with Peter’s, and they’re kissing, and kissing, and kissing.

Kissing Peter is everything and nothing like he’d thought it might be, and Neal wishes it would never end, but eventually they come up for air, gasping against each other’s lips. “I want you, Neal,” Peter says, his voice rough with raw honesty. “I should have thought that would be obvious by now.”

Neal rolls his eyes. “Obvious,” he says. “We’re both gigantic idiots, aren’t we?”

“Mmmm,” Peter hums, nudging Neal’s nose with his own, and that is all kinds of amazing. “El’s has to be very patient with us,” he says. “I’ll have you know she fully expects her reward after this.”

Neal laughs, delighted. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”

Peter’s lips twitch, and he ducks in to kiss Neal, brief and chaste. “I am sorry about the new handler,” he says seriously. “You know I love working with you, but I think this will be for the best.”

Neal sighs. “I know,” he says. “I trust you, Peter.” Then, he sets the anklet aside with a wide smile, and Peter narrows his eyes. Neal chuckles, tugging Peter towards the bed. “Oh, don’t give me that look - I fully intend to put it back on. But first…” he leans forward for a kiss, and Peter pulls him in and holds him close. “I want to prove that I will follow instructions willingly even without the anklet. I mean it - whatever you want.” Peter raises his eyebrows, and Neal smiles. “Because it’s not the anklet that’s keeping me here, Peter. It’s you.”

“I want you,” Peter says, breathless. “Just you, Neal.”

Neal’s smile widens. “I’m all yours,” he says.

***

E N D 

***


End file.
